Friday, September 29, 2006

Safe 9

In the ongoing search for material suitable for 'sweetness and light' lack of controversy week I have found this joke, its old I know, but you would be surprised just how close this is to the truth, you need to get to the end to see who is the most likely candidate when based on human reasoning.

The following is a confidential report on several candidates being considered for a ministry position.

ADAM
Good man but problems with his wife. Also one reference told of how he and his wife enjoy walking nude in the woods.

JESUS
Seldom stays in one place very long. And, of course, he's single. Has a messiah complex.

JOSEPH
A big thinker but a braggart. Believes in dream interpreting, and has a prison record. Had been accused of adultery.

MOSES
A modest and meek man but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly.

DAVID
The most promising leader of all until we discovered his affair with his neighbour's wife. His kids are out of control. Worse yet, he's a proponent of instrumental music in worship.

SOLOMON
Great preacher but our manse would never hold all those wives. Good with building projects though. Rather extravagant.

ELIJAH
Prone to depression. Collapses under pressure. Spends too much time in wilderness. Loner. No wife that we know of.

JONAH
Refused God's call into ministry until he was forced to obey by getting swallowed up by a great fish. He told us the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. Known to pout when things don't go his way. We hung up.

JOHN
Says he's a Baptist but definitely doesn't dress like one. Has slept outdoors for months on end. Has a weird diet. Provokes denominational leaders. Is too social and political minded. Offends politicians and is known to lose his head on occasion.

PETER
Too blue collar. Has a bad temper. Has even been known to curse. Had a big run-in with Paul in Antioch. Aggressive, but a loose cannon. Probably speaks in tongues. Claims to have visions.

JUDAS
His references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative and pragmatic. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We're inviting him to preach this Sunday. Possibilities here.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey, Dave,

Yup !

Good old natural, humanistic evals always look at the outside.

But don't forget that that David guy danced in public in scanty garb - shame on him.

Dave / doc

 

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